Sic Semper Tyrannis

I realized today at church that I like boys a lot. Too much. I was talking to a friend on the phone later and we hung up so he could go to church. I joked with myself that if he didn't have to go to church, we would've talked for another hour. And I realized how true and deeply symbolic that thought was. If he didn't have Jesus, if I didn't have my Love, how much further would we have gone? In our seventeen eighteen year old foolishness and naivety and lust, how far would we have let oursevles go in October November when we were kind of a thing? It wouldn't've been good for either of us. I am scared for where and who I would be if I didn't have Jesus. I can just imagine myself doing things in the backseat of his car that I would regret later on. Or maybe I wouldn't regret it because I was that fallen and broken, who knows. And the scariest part is that I'm not entirely disgusted by the concept. I mean, I am, don't get me wrong. I hate that idea, but the smallest part of my sin nature is making itself heard, Satan is fighting to make his view mine. How awful is that? I can think I am so secure in my Love but my flesh still longs after "love." Really, flesh, really, are you that broken? Why has humanity taken sex, this beautiful idea that God created for the intermingling of souls and completely torn it apart and perverted it to carnal pleasure that's abused for a moment of satisfaction with anyone aside from the man or woman God made for them? Why has the enemy torn apart human hearts to believe this? Why has the church let the world pervert it? Why is humanity such a sexual being? Why why why why why...