Epiphanies, Signs, and Money

So I visited Azusa Pacific yesterday, literally praying that I would be in love with the campus and the people.

Well, it was raining. Just like the last time I went there. And there were no people, because of the rain. Last time I went there were no people because of the fact that it was Thanksgiving break. I don't feel like I got a good feel of the campus.

So, as I drove off, I confessed that I loved Biola lots more. I wanted to go there and didn't know how I'd get the money, but I wanted to go there. Even if I didn't get into Torrey, I wanted to go there. Even if I didn't get any more than 9k from them, I wanted to go there.

But I had a shower epiphany tonight. After writing a rather short essay rewrite and studying themes for hours, the logical side kind of kicked on.

If I get that full ride to Azusa Pacific, I have to go there. It's like a giant neon sign from God saying "HEY JENNIFER, GO HERE!" And it would help my family a lot. I mean, we weren't financially secure back when everyone else in America was living lavishly. If my parents only had to pay around 9k at most, that would be pretty awesome. And that's not even including federal or state help.

But I've realized lately I'm really indecisive. As bad as Hamlet, pretty much. So I'll probably flip and flop on this issue like a fish dropped out of his bowl.

But a full ride kind of seems like a sign from God. And if that's where He wants me, I know it's better than where I want myself. And even if I don't think I'll like it at first, I have faith that my God is good and that where He wants me is best for me and best for Him. If He leads, I will follow.