Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Pro-Ana

I literally just stumbled upon this idea when looking for information on moral absolutes and absolute truth for my Torrey Honors App. I didn't realize that so many girls struggle with anorexia on such a deep level. I mean, I'm an American teenage girl, of course I have had self-esteem issues. The American media doesn't do a great job of uplifting its constituents... And I've never been skinny, either. I thought self-esteem issues were normal, I guess. But I never thought anorexia this severe was.

The idea of girls chronicling how many times they purge or binge or how many days they can go without eating or how many days they eat less than their 600 calorie a day goal just breaks my heart. I remember in sophomore year when I thought my 1400 calorie a day goal was severe, when I thought skipping a day of eating was definitely pushing it.

My heart really breaks for all of these girls. They see any attempt at help as some "fake compassion bullshit." These girls are teens and their bodies are still growing. You are never stuck with your weight. That is, not until you sufficiently mess up your body so it hordes all weight possible because it doesn't believe you're going to feed it ever again. One girl was 16, 5'6", and 123 pounds. One girl is now bulimic, 5'11" and 152, with a goal weight of 100. One wants to look good for her wedding. One wants to look good to attract men. One wants to look good naked. One wants to look good in bed.

It breaks my heart. Do they know no compassion, no love? Has the world really convinced us that our worth is only found in our bodies? Is the female body simply to attract men? Just for sex? Well, I don't want a boy who wants a skinny girl. I deserve a boy who is attracted to my body as it is, who loves me for who I am, not because I am attractive physically.

So, here. I am seventeen. 5'7". 150 pounds. I have no long or short term goal weight. I have no calorie limit or goal. I may not always be confident, but I know that I am more than these numbers you throw at me. I have purpose, and in light of that, my body does not matter.
You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
--C.S.Lewis.

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