This One Goes Out to All the Reds and Yellows and Blues

I feel like I misrepresented myself a few blogs back. Or like, two blogs. But regardless:

I get inexplicably joyful when I remember that I'm not getting the Pell Grant. That was $4000 I was absolutely undeniably SURE I was going to get. And I'm happy? In all the standards of the world, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But I'm just so at peace and so happy. I try to be sad, try to make myself upset, and I just can't do it.

I was prepared for the idea that the pain that losing 4k would bring would mature me...but I'm not feeling any pain. Maybe I'll be feeling that pain in August when I'm trying to scrape together tuition, but, you know, it will still be for God's glory and my good.

I think I might be so happy because I know that if I have everything all figured out, that doesn't give God any space to amaze me. Let me just say, I'm open for his amazement.