Never Knew

But no, none of it's true cuz I never knew you
And now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for whats true
Never Knew--The Rocket Summer

All I know is that I know nothing.
--Socrates

I have come to the realization lately that I know nothing. Really, nothing. I constantly trip up and fail and make the same mistakes over and over and over. The very same ones. And I know while I'm doing it that I should just stop, but I never do.

I find myself favoring sleep over time with my Savior. I find I'd rather blast music while waiting for Kimmy than do devotions. I find I'd rather jump rope or watch Andrew Bravener on youtube than possibly devote any time or effort to the only thing that's worth living for.

I have come to the realization that I am fallen, broken, sinful... Human.

But with You there is forgiveness.
Out of the Depths--Said Sower

And it breaks my heart. I really don't deserve any of this. I am ridiculously blessed and I'd rather go have affairs with my sins than just allow myself to realize this blessing. I'm just sinful and human. I don't deserve to be forgiven. I cannot even imagine begging for forgiveness, I need it so much. I am so broken, and there are days when I feel like the pieces can't be put back together.

You have remembered my sins
No more, no more
And when I still want to wallow in shame
You said no more, no more
You will forsake me
No more, no more
And when I feel like I’m all alone
You said no more, no more
Jesus, I thank you for setting me free
My sins were like chains
But you took them from me
No More--Said Sower

There is hope. There is life. There is a reason, a purpose, a destiny beyond myself. I'm going to stop all of this and find it, find Him. For my head, for my heart, for what's true.