Control

Take control of the atmosphere
Take me far away from here
There is no better loss than to lose myself in you
In a parachute to glide, I am captive in your sky
Surrender has somehow become so beautiful
Control--MuteMath

I've been living for myself lately. What, with finals week and all the last moments of Junior year slipping through my fingers, only seeming to fall faster the tighter I held on. And then there was tennis, to which I've been devoting a lot of time to. I also got a job, which took about twelve hours of my week, while I only clocked in for eight. I've been getting ready for Girl's State, which has been pretty self-focused, with writing a bill and packing and mentally preparing and the such. And before all this were AP tests, an autobiography, and a Nader project.

Life is self-centered.

But we are called to something more.

I realized tonight that I've definitely created some gods of my own, some idols. There's College Board, for one, with its AP tests. There's my pride, with maintaining my illustrious GPA and telling the world my story, my testimony. There's the god of pleasure, of fun times, of memories, pictures, and laughter. Which in itself isn't a god, but when it gets preferential treatment, it definitely becomes one.

But Christ says that "You cannot serve both God and money."

I never really thought about that verse before tonight. Whenever it's been brought up, I quickly shrug it off, because money is not something I yearn for. I've never had much money, never had much desire for money. It's just not a huge part of my life. But I realized something tongiht.

Money is just the example, not the end all. It's one of the gods of our lives. Put whatever else in its spot--Romance. Knowledge. Power. Pride. All of it. Surrender it all over. Not just our coins, but every single abstract noun that keeps us from surrendering our lives over to the only thing that can save us.

Surrender.

It's what I want.
What I need.
What I crave.