Always Forever

I remember one specific time when we sang Always Forever in the High School group. It was a Wednesday night and I was weary. I was about to go have a DTR with a boy who I couldn't bear to turn down once again, but had to. I had been feeling far from God because I hadn't been spending time with Him--it was April and I was spending all my free time with my AP review books. I had fallen for a boy who wasn't grounded in his faith and I was searching for some loophole where we could be together. I was so afraid of failing--failing an AP, saying the wrong words to either boy, falling even farther from Him. I was broken down, I was tired, I was weary.

And so the words rang out true.

You are the love I need

More than a five on any silly AP test.

You are the air I breathe

More than the physical air going in and out of these lungs

You are my love, my life, always forever

Always forever

And then another line stabbed at my heart and brought a tear to my eye each time I sang it out.

I would lay down my life just to be by your side

And I was thinking physically. I would lay down this body before the next breath of my lungs, before the next beat of my heart, just to be near Him. Because in His presence, I'm completely satisfied. It wasn't even a decision, it was just fact.


But this song happened to be in a playlist that I happened to be listening to today. And, in view of today's previous blog, that last line hit me differently.

It's not the physical that Phil Wickham's talking about here.

It's anything but the physical.

Because the physical's easier. Giving up this life, this earth--that's easy! That's what we all ultimately want. To be rid of this body and this flesh and to be with God in Heaven. But what Phil's getting at with this line is laying down the desires of the flesh.

Which doesn't necessarily mean lust and anger and dishonesty and the sins you can normally list off when you hear "the flesh." It's the selfish pride that we have when we'd rather do things our own way than God's. It's when we spend a week reading Hard Times instead of the Bible.

And I was at a loss for words when I asked myself if I would lay down this life I have created for myself just to be by His side.

Would I?

Will I?