Sleep Paralysis

Nightmares are a strange, strange thing.

A thing that is far too common in my life this semester.

And I don't even mean nightmares in a vague, symbolic, or figurative manner. I mean actual, literal, for reals nightmares. It's like I'm awake. But also asleep. And neither and both and never sure which. I'm paralyzed. There's a weight on my chest. I can't talk or scream out for help. I've gotten them so regularly that I thought the earthquake a week ago was just another dream (fun fact, I had to ask my roommate if the earthquake really happened...twice).

Koka was the first person who told me about this kind of nightmare. It's called sleep paralysis.

About half of the population experience it once or twice. But it's hardly beyond that.
I am not of the majority. I've probably had it 12 times or so throughout the past year.

For a while I thought it was demonic.
Then I thought that was paranoid of me and that it's just physical.
Now I think that it could full well be demonic, only if Satan's nasty and tricky and knowledgeable in how to mess people up.

Sleep paralysis SUCKS.

I'm even aware of the fact that it's just another bout of sleep paralysis when it comes around. I still can never tell if I'm actually awake. (But neither are scientists). Last night I tried to yell out to my roommate (after much, much effort). Apparently that was dream, she didn't hear me.

But still, knowing what it is never makes it any less horrific. Never.

I told my roommate about it early this semester when it was a "well, this happened a few times last semester, they sucked, but it hasn't happened since like october" thing and she immediately made me promise that I'd wake her up if it ever happened again. It's happened at least 4 nights in the past month, but I can never bring myself to wake her up. She needs her sleep. I'm okay with being terrified by myself. It'll pass. It'll be morning soon enough.

All of that to say, I'm exhausted because not only did I only get 6 hours of sleep last night because the next two weeks are going to be academic/intellectual hell, I also dealt with dream hell for all 6 hours.

Oof.