Costa Rica & Purpose

30 days ago we left for Costa Rica, and 20 days ago we came home. And in all of that time I had no idea what my purpose was, why the heck God had me spend my time there, my money there, my fundraising time months beforehand, too. I wasn't ungrateful, just skeptical. Everyone else on the trip was able to say that God had blessed them and showed them that He wanted them to go with an over abundance of funds instantaneously, where I came up with about half and the shortage was covered by my money and the overflow from the rest of the team. And everyone else clicked with the Ticos immediately whereas I clicked with Catarin who was only there for two days. And so I wrestled with God in wondering why. I knew there was a purpose, I just couldn't figure it out and it bothered me like crazy.

And I talked to people on the team about it, like Elaine, and Bonnie, and RJ, and I talked to people off the team about it, like Rachel, and I still couldn't figure it out. And I kept talking to God about it, because He's the one who's going to tell me.

This morning I walked into the Kindergarten classroom at 10, put my stuff down in the back, ignored Michael's text, and sat down with Alyssa and Abby and Elizabeth to play doctor. And a little while later another kindergartener was tugging on my shirt in that whiney little way that means "that other kid stole my toy and I want it back" and so I turned to him to ask the other boys to give it back and I figured out why the other boys were confused. Joel, the boy tugging my shirt, was rattling off sentences in Spanish that confused them to no end. But I, with the 4 years of Spanish under my belt, diffused the situation, and went back to being poked, prodded, and healed by the 5 year old doctors attending me.

And then it was circle time and Joel kept trying to tell Mr. Rinaldi that he had no idea what was going on and didn't want to listen to a story in English because he only knew a little English. So I went over and translated the story of Moses and the burning bush to Joel, as best I could. After that we talked about how the Bible is true, (holybiblewordofgod!) about how God turned a snaff into a snake and back again, and what the 10 Commandments were. And Joel told me half of the stories, because he knew them so well. And I was scared out of my mind of not having the right words to say. I was so scared that I didn't even offer to translate for a solid 5 minutes. But I just felt the need, the call, to translate for this little boy, and so I listened and did it.

And then I moved on with my life and went up to Elevate and part way through Joaquin's amazing sermon on Psalm 136 God totally just spoke to me and was like "Hey, Jennifer, you totally translated for that little 5 year old, what about all the junior highers and high schoolers you translated for in Costa Rica? All the time you spent with Catarin and Mary and the whole group of Ticos and how many times you were shocked when people came to you for a word or a sentence, but you knew it. And you understood all of the sermons before Suzie or Ernesto translated. Sure, Mr. Provo knew Spanish, and Mariano, and Suzie, and Ernesto, but you helped too. You facilitated conversations when you broke out of your comfort zone and reached out to love up on the Ticos, like you were called to do."

And a split second later I remembered how I encouraged Bonnie to reach out to the Humers (to steal Constance's term) she doesn't know and to love up on them and show them the compassion of Christ, and I realized that, via Elaine's suggestion, I definitely encouraged our group to reach out. If we were huddled amidst ourselves, I felt awful and I felt the need to go mingle with the Ticos. I spured the others on in our group to make mountains out of crumpled paper or dispense tape or whatever else was necessary. I don't know, I wasn't the best encourager at times, but God definitely told me this morning that I encouraged, even if in the tiniest way, and I led, if only because I was slightly older.

So, I knew all along that God taught me crazy things (contentment, faith, worship being more than a feeling, the importance of hearing the gospel daily, the importance of discipling young believers, and the fact that God isn't going anywhere...), but now I know that God didn't just grow me, he used me. And even if just in the trivial manner of being another translator who could use her knowledge of a different language, He used me. I had a purpose beyond myself and was able to impact the Ticos by living for Christ in front of them and modeling His love and compassion. I feel like I'm just rambling, but I can't convey with words how exciting it is to know that God used me in Costa Rica, in ways that I most definitely didn't understand at the time. Maybe He used our whole group in ways we didn't and don't yet understand, because He's that big and that awesome and that wonderful and that overwhelming.

God is kind of amazing, guys.